Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
