I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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