the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize