it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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