Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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