How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
