also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
