I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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