dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
