you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sober January is a disaster.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
