who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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