Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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