Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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