You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
