I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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