She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
