and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
