i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
