We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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