My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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