how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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