i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
