I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
