Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
