went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
