Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize