i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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