Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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