glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
