The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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