i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this will be a night to untag.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
