I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
tell me about the eggs
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
