I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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