it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
