guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
