i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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