just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
