Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize