Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize