first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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