You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
