she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
