Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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