Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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