Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
