I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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