I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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