Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
