Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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