have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
