So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize