i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
