Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
