ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You took a bar mat shot.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
