Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
