i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
a search helicopter?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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