I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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