My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
