If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
