i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
