The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm always down for nudity.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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