I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize