guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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