I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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