hotel room ftw
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
