Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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