My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
